Alright, so we’ve clarified where are we going now let’s get into that process. I wrote about Self questioning, exploration and identity. Well how does one begin that journey? It seems long and vague… Where to start?
Start with the self. I have found that the more one tends to focus on the other (partners, jobs, ect) the more we can lose our sense of what we stand for and who we are. Now of course there is a line, narcissism is not good for anyone involved, but I find more often than not, my clients are prone to a lack of boundaries rather than excessive narcissism.
Starting with the self, that can sound daunting. We are such multifaceted creatures, our wants, needs, desires, habits, triggers, associations, work, school, life. It can almost seem easier to push that all aside and just focus on others, filling time and space with projects and busyness so that we don’t get a moment’s peace to really examine ourselves and our motivations. Why would we bother taking that time for ourselves, when more often than not we are raised with the notion that thinking of ourselves is selfish or narrow minded. There are so many others out there with lives harder than yours and you should be grateful with what you have an give back instead of just sitting around thinking and doing nothing…. Yeah. Being raised with those kinds of things does not a balanced human mind create.
That kind of attitude of just be grateful for what you have and how dare you question things and have preferences… I have seen that many times in my office. What does it make? A Person full of guilt and shame. Fears of wanting more, and yet needing to express themselves and feeling sometimes horrible for doing so. Not a pretty picture. No wonder we don’t want to start with ourselves. There is almost this illusion that if we start with the outside world, and change it enough, our internal world will feel better. Striving for the right achievements in hopes that it satisfies our internal pain. I’ve seen this time and time again.
So let’s start with ourselves. Yes, the outside world needs help, waters are rising, things are uncertain, but it’s going to make things a lot easier to handle when we have our internal world sorted, confidence boosted, boundaries set, esteem balanced. Making an impact in the world from that space is much easier, and helps us to really connect with how, what, and where we want to impact the world.
Self love, self perception.
That is where we begin. We don’t start there because “if you don’t love yourself no one else will” That is absolute horseradish. We start there because having a balanced dynamic with our own self love and care connects us to our wants and needs, our boundaries. It’s much easier to say “no” when we have a sense of self perception. This doesn’t mean you need to love yourself right away. That can be a process, and yes sometimes it does happen super quick, I’ve seen it and it’s beautiful. What’s even better though, is having the space and permission to grown into loving yourself, the permission to change, to accept how you are in this moment and be ok with striving for more. Not out of lack, but for a sense of adventure, love and growth. That is a completely different attitude.
Alright, so that sounds nice and all, but how the hell do we do this? Sounds complicated.. As well as a bit woo woo. No you don’t need to pick up a mirror and start making affirmations at yourself. In fact, there are reasons why affirmations don’t always work from a hypno perspective. take a peek
Cultivating self love, starts with releasing the other. Changing the focus, instead of on others and their actions, concerns and judgments onto our joys, our happiness and preferences. Quite often this process looks like getting the deeper inner mind to be updated with what is happening in the present and acknowledging the growth that we have gone through. The subconscious mind has no sense of linear time. So when we have experienced a hurt or trauma in the past the subconscious mind is still stuck in that moment thinking it is still reality. This is why when we’re impacted by the judgments of others, or falls into a scenario that is akin to something that has happened to us in the past, that we all of a sudden feel like a younger being again. The Subconscious mind still in fact thinks it is at the same age that the original situation happened.
So we update the mind, let it know what time and place we are in. Once it has a clear picture of that, we start discovering what we want and enjoy. Many times we take on the ideas, associations, or patterns of others around us. Even preferences. We fall into the habit of being drawn for the same type of person over and over again even though we know they don’t suit us. This goes for many habits. So we direct the mind, brainstorm, and explore what it is we want. This may seem daunting, but the subconscious mind actually has a really clear idea of what suits you. It’s your long term memory, all of your hopes and dreams, accumulated. It bubbles up the information when it’s prompted and has the space to do so.
We tune into the feeling self. Perhaps an idea of something we would like crops up, yet then we feel pangs of guilt, anxiety, fear or some other feeling/emotion that can cause us to draw back. In hypnosis we start to explore these. Safely and at a pace that suits you, discovering where they came from and why they are there. More often than not the subconscious is just striving to protect us. Hold onto old fears and beliefs because it does not know any better of that there are other things that it could do that would actually help much more. So we communicate to it those things.
This opens up the process of self love. It happens because the mind is now working with you to support you. Imagine you had a helper who was working 24/7 for you, but they thought that the best way to help was to hold you back. That is what the subconscious mind does when it has patterns that are not supportive. Once shifted self love grows, identity grows, and as the focus is shifted away from the other for validation and approval, it becomes easier and easier to acknowledge our positive growth and shifts and being. Additionally, as this is occurring the comparison and judgment of ourselves based on others actions or accomplishments shifts. Can you imagine not being burdened by the constant comparison to others? Being free to embrace you own shifts and changes and feel proud of your growth! Observing others paths and just experiencing joy for what they are doing, the “keeping up with the Jones’” having withered away. Surreal. Mental energy gets freed, emotional energy gets freed. It’s a beautiful space to be.
So this is what self questioning looks like, not that scary hey? Clarifying what we want and releasing others judgments and assorted energies about it. Awesome.
Want to start this process for your own? I would recommend the Personal growth package for a little kick start, or Personal Breakthrough for a deeper shift. Take a look on the “What to expect page” of my website and scroll down to the packages for a further description of what these packages entail.
Thank you for your time in reading this!