So we have discussed the dynamics of how masculine and feminine associations can impact our actions and comfort levels in how we express ourselves in our day to day lives. Now let us get in to some deeper stuff. Sexuality.

That is a big topic. So big that I’m not going to try to condense all I know into this tiny article. We’re going to narrow it down a bit here. You may also be wondering, doesn’t masculine and feminine associations impact our sexuality? If we have addressed those, then why even bother going there?
I would reply in question… Why? Do you not want to go there?

We have some pretty interesting relationships with our sexuality in today’s world. Every country you turn to you’ll get a different message. Some are similar, some are vastly different. In some countries you can be persecuted severely for things that in other countries are encouraged. It’s a vast world out there, which shapes our sexuality very intricately. Yes, our masculine and feminine associations impact it. Though that is not the whole story.

Our sexuality also connects to our ego, the ID or our sense of inner self. Internal conflicts with sex and sexuality can arise in much more profound and deeper ways. It’s easier to get through life at work being unexpressed sexually then it is in intimate relationships. Often times when we look at our personal interactions, the last place we look at them is in our sexuality. As well if something is going ary in our lives we look to everything else first.

Now this is not to say that you are personally responsible for your associations, sexual or otherwise and that the frustrations or hardships you have in sexuality are your fault. That is victim blaming bullcrap. No human is an island, no matter how much they may want to be, and we are impacted by those around us, as they are to us. Drawing our sexuality into the picture makes that starkly even more obvious.

This also does not mean that we are powerless. Yes we are impacted by others, in fact when we are born we are so mentally open to everything from others it shapes us quite deeply. Though as we mature, that openness becomes more of a filter. This is a good thing. It allows us to make choices, compare information to what we have previously learned and to grow. In regards to sexuality, this is when we start to choose those whom we would prefer to interact with. Developing preferences and noticing which dynamics are more harmonious for you. That is when we are navigating our sexuality with awareness.

You may be thinking, “well I already do that, I know who I like, and what types of relationships I prefer.” Wonderful! I’m glad to hear that, I would wonder in return, how are they impacting you? Do you feel fulfilled in them? Are you the kind of person who seems to fall for the same partner in a different body everytime?

There are so many elements to our sexuality, and really, there is no right way for everyone. We all have our nuances. Some prefer the opposite sex, others aren’t attached to the physical body of their partners and are more concerned with the mind. Some don’t have a desire for intercourse, yet others prefer intercourse with no emotional attachment. Some want one partner for their entire lives, and others want different partners at the same time.

Did any of those ideas make you uncomfortable? Why?

That is your sexuality. That’s how you begin to unravel it. None of those preferences are inherently wrong if consensually practiced, unless of course they are actually mentally, physically, or emotionally damaging the beings that are involved.  Of course your beliefs, or views or preferences are shaped in different ways than others. For some, Religion creates strong preferences and a particular sense of what is right and wrong sexually. For others, it can be the media’s portrayal of what is “appropriate” that creates a person’s sense of right and wrong. Once again, this isn’t a bad thing per say. It’s more about how it impacts you.

Let’s roll out the big guns.

Guilt and Shame.

Used by parents, media, and religion alike, to shape or define us certain ways. Based off of their concepts of what is appropriate. Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m 100% about consent. Both parties being aware, and interested in the act they are doing, and understanding the elements that are involved. Sexuality based on consent is not about having guilt or shame for our desires. It’s about voicing them, understanding them, and exploring them with those whom are interested in the same. Guilt and Shame do not play well with our desires. More often than not, they try to stuff them down, and make us feel bad for having them.

So when examining our sexuality, our relationships, do you navigate the world without shame or guilt about it? That’s a deep question. I haven’t met many people to have no shame or guilt. Ironically, if I have, they have usually been shamed by others because they don’t have shame. What an interesting concept. How dare someone else be ok asking for what they want and receiving it. Sounds like the person doing the shaming is actually uncomfortable asking for what they want and doesn’t see how others could be doing something different. What an insight.

What does this have to do with hypnotherapy? Or therapy in general? Relationships. Our shame and guilt can carry over into our relationships in so many ways. Not asking for our needs and wants to be fulfilled, we begin to resent our partners, or look for other (often not properly communicated or consensual) ways for them to be fulfilled. This erodes our relationships with the people in our lives, or even ourselves. Self shaming, self guilt, for our desires, creating a disconnect from what it even means or feels like to follow them.

In hypnotherapy we can address the shame and guilt, uncover why it is there, and shift it to a more helpful state. We can examine our sexuality in the safe space of our own minds without others prying opinions shaping how we would act if we were freely expressing our wants and needs. These shifts can be profound. Enriching our intimate relationships, even in the rest of our lives can shift. Getting a better understanding of what your boundaries and preferences are, encourages you to know and ask for what you want and need.

Sound like something you could use in your life? Sexuality is a deep topic, one of my favorite to explore as we are all such varied beings in what our wants and needs are. For a small dose of exploration try the Personal growth package want to go all out? Try the Personal Overhaul Package. Take a look on the “What to expect page” of my website and scroll down to the packages for a further description of what these packages entail.