This is an interesting topic for me. There are many facets to the myth of the healed healer, and the interesting ways that our society (Traditional Western European) has further pushed the assumptions associated towards this myth. I’ll be going over this myth and it’s assumptions in stages as it touches on some deep pieces that take time to explore and understand.

Now what do I mean by the myth of the healed healer?

This can expand into a variety of areas, positions of leadership, positions of power, therapeutic relationships, and even partnerships romantic or otherwise sometimes have overlay into this myth.

Due to the position I’m personally in (Therapeutic Dynamics) I’ll be focusing on the myth of the healed healer in therapy.

Ok. Square one, what the heck is the myth of the healed healer?
There are some variations on this, that I got told many different times in my own personal journey through Therapy and training to be a Therapist. They boil down to essentially this.
“The person experiences something very difficult in their lives, and they live through it. This is good news, it means that they can help others survive the same things and as they heal they can lead the way.”

Now don’t get me wrong. There are elements of this that are very true. Statistically speaking the Therapist you are seeing, no matter the field has some sort of “Abnormal Functioning” which very often is what drew them to the field in the first place. To get help. As they strove to understand themselves, they found the ability to help and understand others as well. Yep. Both of the psychologists that I have had in my life fit into this really nicely among many other people in my life who happen to be really open, honest, understanding, and accepting.

This brings into question the importance of strife in peoples’ lives to create empathy. A topic I’ll explore later.

Ok, so what are the holes in this idea.

There are a few.

Trauma happens to give a purpose
Once we are Healed enough we can help others
Those who are helping others are Healed
Surviving Trauma is what’s important.
The moral of the story is to help others.
Surviving Trauma is inherently positive, or confers a benefit.

Daaaaaaammmn. All from one story. Wow. It’s amazing the messages that stories provide. There are probably more interpretations that could be derived, but hey, I figured that was enough for now.

Alright. So let us start at the top shall we?

Trauma happens to give a purpose. Now, that is a very, looking for the silver lining in the situation kind of idea. Which can be a good thing.. As well, it’s really ideal for people to get to that place on their own. It is a kind of statement that can really shift the focus away from what a person is currently experiencing, it moves them away from their suffering and focuses them on the future. Now that sounds like a good idea, except, to process our emotions and our pain, humans need to actually feel them. Avoiding them either by thinking of the future, the past, or indulging in other methods of escape, even positive thinking does not make for the best ability to process what is currently happening. Additionally posing this to a person while they are experiencing their suffering stifles the experience of validation, which though validation we can also release the emotional impact and move beyond it. Validation allows the person experiencing the emotion to know it has been seen by an external viewpoint and therefore it does not need to be re-iterated as much or in amplification because it has been acknowledged. The proverbial “The Doctor told me what it was so now I know I can calm down about my broken leg” Scenario. This happens with our emotions as well.

This also creates the impression of Trauma as a gift. Meaning; when we can derive a great sense of purpose from the experience that can start to shift the interpretation of understanding the implications of those whom enacted the trauma on the person. Make sense? I’ll simplify. Stockholm Syndrome. Idolizing or in other ways forgiving/ignoring the very real implications of what the mindset was of those whom caused the suffering.

Now this isn’t to say that all people who inflict trauma are inherently bad. Really the idea of Good and Bad is a very touchy subject besides that it oversimplifies the issue and dichotomizes it. As there are very many levels of elements that are at play. Let’s take a simple and unfortunately common example.
A father beats his son. Now there is much research on the mental implications of the developmental problems that child will have. Besides that the child generally does not become more obedient, they are more likely to resort to violence to solve their problems, because that was modeled to them.

So in that scenario, it looks pretty cut and dry. Bad father.
But let’s take a step back here. That father was also beat as a child, in fact regularly by his father and his teachers. Why? Because in the era that he was raised in, it was common and seen as a completely normal way to approach and deal with children. So in the father’s eyes, at least he doesn’t hit the son as much.
So that looks like another bad father, and bad teachers. Wow. Ok.
Let’s take another step back.
The father of that father used to train people in the military and grew up during the war. So not only is he very used to discipline, he is used to conditioning grown adults and may not even comprehend how an undeveloped Childs mind learns. Also, this is a father to the baby boomer generation, so there is going to be anywhere from 6-9 kids on average. Patience with even one child is a struggle. Additionally this is an era where the idea of Men exhibiting any form of softness or emotionality is a massive taboo that in our current society we are still striving to release.

So what I am striving to communicate here is that no issue is ever cut and dry, particularly when it comes to trauma. There are very many layers of elements in place that cause multigenerational trauma and as a society it is far more important to look at how we are creating environments the cause further trauma or help to support healing it. If you want a really deep look into this topic I highly recommend the book “In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts”

Ok, so Trauma dosen’t mean that you are inherently bad, nor are those that inflicted it, also trauma does not need to be viewed as a gift to derive purpose from either. That seems like it makes a lot of grey area, instead of a simple black and white. Hummmm. Sounds like it’s getting more complicated.

It is. This is why trauma is such a complex issue to both experience and to resolve in a society. There are many elements that come into play and they all need addressing in different ways. This is why often times when a person comes to seek resolution or overcoming their trauma it can be a different and complex journey.

So we really only went over one part of the six points I raised. As you can tell this is a very complex concept that seeps its way into our culture in varying ways. Most commonly in how we respond to those whom have experienced Trauma or whom are struggling with mental health illness. Keep following as I unpack the other beliefs that this myth can present to us.

Once we are Healed enough we can help others
Those who are helping others are Healed
Surviving Trauma is what’s important.
The moral of the story is to help others.
Surviving Trauma is inherently positive, or confers a benefit.

Want some help exploring on your trauma, or connecting to your emotional self? I gladly explore that work.  For a small dose of exploration try the Personal growth package want to go all out? Try the Personal Overhaul Package. Take a look on the “What to expect page” of my website and scroll down to the packages for a further description of what these packages entail.

Thank you for reading and being a part of this journey with me.